If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We left the knife in your bed.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
