This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
