Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
