the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
