I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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