He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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