dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
