How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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