That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
