I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
