i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
