Rock
Scissors
Fuck
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i love accidental penises.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
