im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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