she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
