I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sober January is a disaster.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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