Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
