I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize