Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize