I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
