you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
