My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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