dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
