Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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