and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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