dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
