I hate all girls vehemently.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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