well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
