I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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