He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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