Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
