Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
