break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize