I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
