Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
