Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
