Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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