at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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