Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
