I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
