so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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