I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
