The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
