I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
