We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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