porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
