I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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