you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
