What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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