Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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