You work out of a Hotel?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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