If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
