I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize