Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
