Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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