My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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