How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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