I haven't been this sober since birth.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
