can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
