did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
