so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
