Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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