guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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