took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
