hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
