I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
