She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
