I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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