Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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