how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
