I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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