If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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