Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he puts the penis in happiness.
Fuck appropriateness.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
