the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
