Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize