i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
