there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
