whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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