I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
