Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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