I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm always down for nudity.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
