At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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