i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
