Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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