I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize