You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize