I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
