paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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