her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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