I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
