We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
