He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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