Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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