I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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