Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize