i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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