im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
