She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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