I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
