I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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