There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
