what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
a search helicopter?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
