I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
