he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
