I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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